American Women Are Done

“Last year, Michele Kirsch told her three adult daughters she wanted them to have “boyfriends by Christmas.” She had a dream, she had told them, that each of them was standing in front of the lit-up tree next to “a hunk who liked to ski and went to a good school.” This dream went unfulfilled…” This was in an essay from the Wall Street Journal about women in America giving up on marriage. They gave another example: “After a handful of underwhelming relationships and dozens of disappointing first dates, Andrea Vorlicek recently called off the search for a husband. The 29-year-old always thought she’d have found her life partner by now. Instead, she’s house hunting solo and considering having kids on her own.”

The article reports that these are not two isolated incidents, but parts of a bigger shift in our culture. “The numbers aren’t netting out,” said Daniel Cox, director of the survey center at the American Enterprise Institute (AEI), a conservative think tank. He ticked off the data points: More women than men are attending college, buying houses and focusing on their friendships and careers over dating and marriage.” According to Aspen Economic Strategy Group 41.8% of women ages 18 to 40 were single in 2000. In 2023 that number is now 51.4%. The journal continued with the evidence by stating, “In a 2023 Pew Research Center survey of 5,073 U.S. adults, 48% of women said that being married was not too or not at all important for a fulfilling life, compared with 39% of men—up from 31% and 28% in 2019. In a 2024 Wall Street Journal/NORC poll, 58% of women aged 18 to 29 said marriage was at least somewhat essential to their vision of the American dream, compared with 66% of men.” The data supports it; more and more women just rather not bother with men or marriage.

But what is the reason? Why the shift? Why the drastic change in what used to be a normal adult life? The article states many theories. One being the quality of males to date. Then if there is a decent guy they find, he wasn’t “career oriented” enough for her to want to continue the relationship. This is speaking to the man not being supportive or even sacrificial for the women's career aspirations. Complicating this is the “growing divide in education and career prospects between men and women.” So many women are doing comparatively better than men in education. Another point brought up by the article was less societal pressure to marry.

This is a perfect example of how ideas have consequences. Our society as a whole is marrying less and having less children. And the only ones we have to blame is ourselves. What we have taught our kids, who are now adults, is reaping the consequences of our schooling. And it is not just any one philosophy. It is a number of progressive ideologies that we have been duped into accepting as fact.

First there is the detoxification of manhood. We are constantly telling males that it is evil and toxic to be masculine. To be a man, is to be a horrible human being. The traditional view of manhood is diabolical and unloving. What they naturally espouse or feel is horrible and should be muted. And so we have redefined and feminised manhood. But in doing so, we have not given a clear definition of what a man really is. We keep changing things so often, men don’t know what society wants from them anymore. We cannot even define a woman, let alone a man. Should we then be so surprised that we have women all over the country complaining there are no good men around? How can there be? Men are wandering around wondering who they even are. They have no identity or purpose. They don’t know what being a man even means. It has been stripped from them. And if they begin to find their way, they’re afraid to express anything. The moment they start leaning toward their natural tendencies, they are scolded that they are being toxic!

But that is not all. Then there is the progressive development of feminism. Women are told from childhood that their value is found in their accomplishments. They need to show they are equal to or more than their male counterparts by getting an education, getting a career and then making as much if not more than a man. Women are to show their value by how successful they are. Never by any family dynamic. Think I am overstating it? When we ask a young woman what they want to do with their life, what are we really asking? What career are you taking? What job field are you going in? When was the last time you heard a teenage girl talking about wanting to be a mom when they grow up? And if you did, the girl probably grew up in a conservative, homeschooling, homesteading type family.  When they have career day in kindergarten , it isn’t to have little Susie come forward saying she wants to be married and have six kids when she is an adult.

Now that is not to say that going to college is wrong. Women becoming educated and having a career is not necessarily a sinful endeavor. That is not the point. The point is we have been molding women into thinking a career is their purpose. That they are less than if their career is less than. Their whole reason for existence is to accomplish great things for their side in the battle of sexes. Think about it. In today’s culture we think it is so weird for a young girl to want to marry in her early twenties and be a stay at home mom. Sure, (we think to ourselves) you can have a family. But we believe it should be after college and after establishing your career. Like maybe by 35 you can have your first child. Not 21?! What is wrong with that woman?! She has how many kids by 26?! And she never went to college?! Is she Amish? Or a part of some sorta cult?

Think I’m off-base? Let me introduce you to Katie Kirsch from the WSJ article. She is 30 and runs Lume, a leadership coaching startup, out of New York City. She has had a hard time finding her husband. Listen to why she wont marry: Katie spent the first half of 2024 going on three or four dates a week with men she met on apps, such as Hinge and Bumble, in the hopes of finding a husband before turning 30. By the end of the year, she had ramped down the search, calling it “the only thing you can put 10,000 hours into and end up right where you started.” Many of the men Katie met, she said, either seemed turned off by her ambition or weren’t career-oriented enough for her.” Ideas and philosophies have consequences.

Then there is our whole worldview on marriage itself. We have expanded it, changed it, redefined it or have completely devalued it. We have been ingrained with thinking that it is not wrong to do whatever you want for what used to be only reserved for marriage. So then why bother getting married? And this is not even referring to sex. We can now have kids without marriage. Beyond that, we can even contract out our pregnancies. You can preorder a child ready to be delivered by a surrogate in nine months time. So now we have women who think to themselves: why bother marrying? Marriage has nothing to offer. There is nothing fulfilling about it. We used to do it thinking that was the only way to have sex and kids. But not anymore! Now we have eradicated all boundaries. Marriage is watered down so much we, the next generation wonders why even entertain the idea? Going back to what Andrea Vorlicek said: “she’s house hunting solo and considering having kids on her own…”

All of this is not just the new norm, it is unbiblical. Marriage and families were created by God as the bedrock of society. He created the family before creating a country or the church. Men and women were naturally designed to wed and raise kids. This was why Eve was created: it wasn’t good to be alone! Should we be surprised then that women are coming across men who “... expect their future wives to prioritize their families over their jobs”? No, this is how they are designed. Should we be stunned when young women have an inner turmoil when it comes to their careers and their kids? They grow up thinking their achievements will give them fulfillment, meaning and purpose. Then when they get around to having kids, they have this tug to want to stay at home and be with their children. But they still feel like they should work. And there is this inner tension that is unsettling. That is because God has designed them this way! It is God’s created order to have both men and women look to leave their father and mother, become one with their spouse and raise children. Yet we have informed our children of other ideas that go counter to this. Thus this is why I say: ideas have consequences. Philosophies can be damaging when they are believed and lived out. Our current American beliefs have now bred women who no longer care about marriage. Let’s not act too surprised.