Just Say No...To People

There is a very intriguing exchange that happens with Jesus in Mark 1. On the surface it isn’t much. But when you slow down and take in the context, it is pretty fascinating that this happened! “And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed. And Simon and those who were with him searched for him, and they found him and said to him, “Everyone is looking for you.” And he said to them, “Let us go on to the next towns, that I may preach there also, for that is why I came out.” (Mark 1:35–38) That's it! Isn’t it fascinating?! I know most of you are probably thinking “So Jesus prayed? Shouldn’t He? How is this that exciting?” It is not what Jesus did that is compelling, but what He didn't do. The night before we read in verses 32-34 that he spent a long night healing the sick and casting out demons. And because of this long night around a large crowd, He got up early to get away and pray. But low and behold the Apostles still found Him. And why were the Apostles looking for Him? Because the people needed Him. There were still more sick, oppressed and demon possessed people to take care of. And of course the loving, kind, gentle, humble, merciful, salt of the earth, friend to man, gracious Jesus, went running into town to take care of everyone, right? WRONG! Instead, He left! He went elsewhere! He said no to these people! They weren’t asking for autographs, these people were in desperate serious need. And Jesus very well could have helped them. But did He? No! Instead of saying “Yes”, He said “No”!

I think we tend to picture Jesus as a loving and kind, kind-of-a guy that will do anything to help anyone. But that wasn’t really the case. Yes He was (and still is) kind and loving, but He didn’t always say yes to everyone. And this is my whole point in this article: it is ok to say “no” sometimes. But why would Jesus say “no”? Why would He do such a thing?! Isn’t that just so mean?! So unloving? It’s not like someone had a hang nail, or wanted to get a selfie to put on FaceBook. These were real, heavy, life altering, sometimes grave issues that these people had. Why would Jesus leave them like that?! That’s not loving at all!

I believe that is the whole point. I think a lot of us operate under the assumption that it is unkind to say “no” to people. Think about it. We’ve all been there. Someone reaches out to you and wants to get together. You don’t really want to. You hope that you already have something planned or have a really good excuse to say no. But you look at your calendar and there is nothing going on that day. Deep down you wanna scream “NO! Please No!” but you feel bad to say that because you don’t have a real good reason to say “No”. You feel so guilty to say no to them just because you don't want to. It feels so “unchristian”. So you reluctantly say “yes” and hope that maybe that day you’ll get sick and you can cancel! Right?!

Why do we say “yes” in those situations? Because we feel guilty to say “no”! But why? Why do we feel so bad to say no to someone? Now, a lot of us will say that it is because we need to be kind and loving and accepting. And it would be somewhat mean to avoid someone just because we don’t want to. But I would ask, where in the bible does it say it is a sin to say “no” to someone? Or to put it another way, where does the Bible teach that saying “no” is unkind and unloving? It's not. We think it is. We assume it is. Yet, we see here Jesus said no! And Jesus had more of a reason to say “yes”, than we ever will. We feel bad and say “Yes” to visit with someone or maybe help them move or something like that. Jesus was saying “no” to people that really could have used His  power and help!

The reason we often say “yes” has nothing to do with right and wrong (for the most part) but for our own pride. We love when people love us and hate when people hate us. People pleasing is often why we feel bad to say “no”. We don't want to “offend” or make the person “upset”. Or heaven forbid they get the idea in their brain that we may not like them! Oh the horror! But the nightmare we are living in, is our own pride. The fear is not a fear of disobeying God, but of not having someone approve of us. “We are busy because we try to do too many things. We do too many things because we say yes to too many people. We say yes to all these people because we want them to like us and we fear their disapproval. It's not wrong to be kind. In fact, it's the mark of a christian to be a servant. But people-pleasing is something else. Doing the cookie drive so you can love others is one thing. Doing the cookie drive so that others might love you is quite another. So much of our busyness comes down to meeting people’s expectations. You may have a reputation for being the nicest person in the world because the operating principle in your heart is to have a reputation for being the nicest person in the world. Not only is that a manifestation of pride and therefore a sin; it also makes our lives miserable and it usually hurts those who are closest to us. People often call it low self-esteem, but people-pleasing is actually a form of pride and narcissism.” Kevin Deyoung

So then why did Jesus say “no”? One word: priorities. Notice the reasoning He gives the Apostles: “Let us go on to the next towns, that I may preach there also, for that is why I came out.” He knew His priorities and that meant there was something else that was more important. This shows all the more how our priorities are all outta whack. We have things that we say are important and that we need to get to. Yet someone asks us to do something and we say “yes” as if those things don’t matter. So our constant saying “yes” to everyone really shows that our top priority is pleasing people. The most important thing to us is having people like us and approve of us. That is what is most significant.

We will say that our relationship with God is important. But if someone texts us to come over, we may have to skip reading the Bible and praying today. We say that we love God more than anything. But there is a baby shower that I have to attend to on Sunday morning, so I will just skip church this week. Is God our priority when we say “no” to Him and not other people? Now don’t get me wrong, occasionally missing church or your devotion time happens. We get sick. There are emergencies. Certain situations come up once in a while. God understands. But when we look at the larger picture, if we were to step back and look over the course of a year, are we seeing a lot of “just this one time” things that add up to us constantly pushing aside God? We tell ourselves it's just this once, but if we say yes to everyone for every little thing out there, is it really just once?  The circumstances may be different, but it still adds up to always saying “yes”. Will you say “No” to someone if it is important? And is God important enough to say no to someone?

For example, I sometimes wonder if always saying yes to someone is not the biggest reason Christians do not observe the sabbath as they should. We say “yes” so much that it overloads our schedule. We have to do all our stuff on Sunday because of how many times we said yes during the week. Or we say yes to someone on a Sunday because we have nothing planned. And we feel guilty to tell someone “no” just because we want to rest? That doesn’t seem like a good reason? But is it not something God has asked us to do? Are we not to obey God? This is just one of many things we do not follow what God tells us to just because we do not want to say no to someone. The reality is, we are more comfortable saying no to Him than them.

The preacher George Whitfield always got up at four in the morning and retired each night at ten. The purpose of this was so that he would be able to spend alone time with God. He would have hours of vigorous prayer and bible reading before most people would be up and distract him. Yet to keep this there were times he would have to say no to people so he would be able to get to bed on time. It was said that, “When that hour struck , he would rise from his seat, no matter who his visitors or what the conversation, and say good-naturedly to his friends, ‘Come, gentleman, it is time for all good folds to be at home.’” He would say no to people because, like Jesus, there was something more important. He had priorities. God being the primary one, not pleasing other people. If the need arises, don’t feel bad. Just say no.